I remembered. long ago, before I even had a baby, I fell in love with pictures. portraits mostly. I desperately wanted them to grace my walls one day. portraits of those I loved most. pictures of places I visited and felt something.
so I worked and worked and slowly earn my first camera. I would bake things for people. that is how I did it.
then I became distracted. I needed to be perfect with that camera. the pictures were never quite enough, the equipment lacking. all sorts of diversions.
time has passed and I have held that space for a long long time. it’s weight smearing my perspective and causing gift of making to feel weary.
my walls still do not hold the portraits of the ones I love. a few smatter the walls, but not the vision of my 19 year old self who was held captive with longing for a chance to simply try.
truth is... the pictures may not be perfect. but my people are perfectly loved and they will grace my walls. I will create and remove the weight I unwittingly yoked.
I have warned my muses I will be photographing them each in the next coming weeks. my heart feels full... and my head cleared of chasing perfect.